{"product_id":"you-didnt-tank-you-just-suck","title":"You Didn't Tank. You Just Suck.","description":"\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eFor The Last-Place Finisher With Fourteen Excuses\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eRebuilding is intentional. This was not. You started the wrong players, ignored waivers, and renamed the collapse a strategy.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eDeep dark roast for the manager whose master plan looks exactly like finishing last by accident.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eTastes like:\u003c\/strong\u003e Bakers chocolate. Caramelized sugar. Deep, velvety body.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eDark Roast\u003c\/strong\u003e · South American Blend\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eSmack Meter:\u003c\/strong\u003e 5\/5 · League-Ending\u003c\/p\u003e\u003ch3\u003eNutrition Facts\u003c\/h3\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eStrategic Losses:\u003c\/strong\u003e Allegedly\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eActual Bad Decisions:\u003c\/strong\u003e 14\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eTrade Value Created:\u003c\/strong\u003e None\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eToilet Trophies Earned:\u003c\/strong\u003e 1\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e\n\u003cstrong\u003eRebuild Timeline:\u003c\/strong\u003e Indefinite\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e","brand":"League Roast","offers":[{"title":"Whole Bean","offer_id":54334537040185,"sku":"COF-WHB-12O-FHV-BOX","price":24.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"Ground","offer_id":54334537072953,"sku":"COF-GND-12O-FHV-BOX","price":24.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0985\/0087\/0457\/files\/front-a5619226-003e-49be-90dc-09235aec45b5.png?v=1786916517","url":"https:\/\/league-roast.myshopify.com\/products\/you-didnt-tank-you-just-suck","provider":"League Roast","version":"1.0","type":"link"}